Monday, March 19, 2012

Still hurting

Im siting at my OB's office waiting to speak to the dr about how I have been feeling since after the procedure, the D&C. It's funny, because I feel the need to blog from my about the overwhelming sense of envy I have for the pregnant women sitting all around me. The smell of this place is almost sickening, I really hate this office. I don't think I can ever come back here even when we do get pregnant again. I'm going to have to find a new doctor. I walked in hoping no one would remember me and the ultrasound technician that gave us the awful news looked right at me with sorrow in her eyes....she locked eyes with me for all of 30 seconds and I wanted to turn around and just leave and cry in my car. I forget that I am still hurting, still grieving. I try and be positive all the time because of Adrianna and really because of all of the blessing I have all around me. I have plenty to look forward to in the next few months, but this dream was the most important one of all....and I still have a hard time believing that it is gone. I wonder how many women I sat next to in my OB's office, pregnant and radiating with happiness with Adrianna in my belly, that must have been feeling the same way I do right now. Listening to me and my husband talk nursery an baby names while their hearts literally broke piece by piece with each word heard. I just want to get this check up over with and leave this place, hopefully never to come back. On the hunt for a new OB as soon as possible....

No comments:

Post a Comment