I have my closure....

I recieved a phone call a few weeks ago from the doctor that performed my procedure. When I had my d&c it was talked about that the fetus should be tested to find out what caused the miscarriage. This is my second misscarriage and with Adrianna being born so little the doctor wanted to rule out any problems with my ability to carry a child and any possible underlying conditions. Turns out my sweet little baby had what is called Turner Symdrome, where there is either a mutation of an x chromosome or it was missing the x chromosome. This is the most common reason for miscarriage. So I am healthy and perfectly able to carry a child to healthy full term. I am so relieved to have heard this news yet it pains me that I had to hear from the doctor that I would have had another little girl, Turner Symdrome only occurs in girls. This has helped me cope better and has given me the closure that I needed to move on. I will never forget this....forever engraved in my heart and my memory. My two angel babies that are now with our loved ones in heaven. I heard this song today while watching the season finale of 19 kids and counting, Michelle duggar has always amazed me with her patience and ability to deal with hardships with such grace and devotion to god. I really think they are a very blessed family. These lyrics spoke to me and I wanted to share them. It is important for me to write about all things in my life so I can look back someday. I am no longer feeling sad about what happened, I have moved on from that feelin and have decided to be thankful for what i do have. But just a few weeks ago I can say that every word In this song described my feelings exactly.


There were photographs i wanted to take
Thmings i wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?people say that i am brave but i`m not
Truth is i`m barely hanging on
But there`s a greater story
Written long before me
Because he loves you like this

So i will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But i know
That the silence
Has brought me to his voice
And he says

I`ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And i will praise the one who`s chosen me
To carry you

"I will carry you" Selah