Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thankful

It takes a day like Thanksgiving, or the days leading up to it, for me to realize what I have to be thankful for. I tend to just live my days and not stop and think about what I have and what others may not have. I really would like to change that. I tend to complain about silly things, things that in retrospect are not what really matters in life. I will say this, from today forward before I complain about ANYTHING I will stop and think about those that do without, those that wish they had even a sliver of the blessings my family and I enjoy day to day. Here is my list of 24 things I am thankful for in my life:

25. Health- My own health as well as the health of my husband, daughter and other loved ones. After my mother underwent massive brain surgery almost 2 years ago I will never stop thanking God for keeping her safe and with us for what I hope is many more years to come. I still believe Adrianna was born in order to help my mother recover faster.

24. The Air Force- And all that comes with it. Without the Air Force Joe and I wouldn't have the strong relationship we have now....I'm sure we would eventually but not at such a young age. We experienced a lot with being a military family and it has made us both stronger as individuals and as a couple. The Air Force taught us how to be smart with the perks we receive and how to make the best with what is thrown at us.   My husband, therefore, has a job that he loves and is so proud to do which makes Adrianna and I so incredibly proud of him!

23. Our Families- Without whom we would be lost. I love that both my family and Joe's family would be willing to drop everything in order to help us with anything. I love the Hernandez side of my family, although I hardly get to see most of them. I love the Mendez side of my family, because of family arguments I was not given the chance to connect with my cousins which makes me sad. I hope we can someday change that. I love the Dolce/Cardone side of my family, all of you made Joe who he was when I met him and who he is today. He is an incredible, caring, strong and frugal (for lack of a better word LOL) man and I love you all for that. All of these people affect me on a daily basis and I am who I am because of these relationships.

22. My Brothers- Sometimes I complain that I wish I had a sister. I wonder why sometimes....we probably wouldn't get along. I get along very well with my brothers. I am the oldest of 3 and am five years older than my youngest brother, two years older than my second youngest brother. As kids we spent a lot of time together playing, watching cartoons and just goofing around. Dan and Dave are best friends, they have such a connection to each other.....I never had that with either of them until we grew up. I can say now that, although I still want to work on our relationship, I have a very good relationship with Dan. We have had a few bumps in the road but I love him and just want him to succeed. I love his wife as well, we don't talk very often but I still love her for loving my brother. Dave and I have a wonderful relationship, I love him so much and have enjoyed seeing him grow into the man he is today. He looks up to my life and has often said he wants what Joe and I have. He knows how much we have worked to get here and it makes him strive for the same common goal. I love my brother-in-laws too. They accept me for who I am and we have the best times together.

21. College- I am so grateful I was able to go to college. My parents could not afford to put me through college but they did the best they could. I had to take out student loans but thankfully it is not nearly as much as the average student has. My education is something that I will always have no matter what happens. Maybe someday I will actually get to use my degree! Ha!

20. Fertility- I hate to hear when friends of mine have issues with conceiving. I often wonder what my life would be life if I were one of the percentage of women that just couldn't have a baby. My aunt can't have children and for years I saw the pain in her eyes as she spoke about it. She doesn't speak about it very much at all. She is the most nurturing person I know and I remember as a child I loved to spend time with her. She was meant to be a mother in a different sense. I am so very thankful that I am able to experience pregnancy, no matter how tough some of it may be.

19. Friends- Joe and I collectively have a handful of friends. Some from childhood and some mutual friends we share from our military adventures. We love each and every single one of them. I am so grateful that I can get together with my friends back home or from our military adventures and I know, no matter how long it has been since we have spoken, it will be as if we have never been apart.Those are true friends.

18. My Husband- He is just the most amazing person I know. I love him so very much, I could go on and on about him. He is the best father to our daughter and the best person for me, period.

17. My Car- Seems silly but my Dodge Caravan is my saving grace. The doors open automatically, Adrianna loves watching movies while we drive around, and the amount of room is amazing. I never thought I would love a minivan but I really do. I am thankful we were able to afford yet another car....this time this is the right car for me and for our family

16. Lazy Pajama Days- Those are the few days that I tell myself I will not run an errand, or even step foot out of the house. Those are the best days and some of the best times I have spent with Adrianna. No distractions. Just fun.

15. Being a SAHM- I have complained about being bored and having no one to talk to but really those seem almost irrelevant when you compare them to the massive benefits of being a SAHM. Sure the housework is always calling my name and I live in my PJs with hair undone when I'm home but being able to spend every day with Adrianna is just priceless. And  not to mention you appreciate the free time you have to enjoy a glass of wine or 4 with friends a lot more I think :)

14. Financial Stability- Not everyone has this, most are striving for this. We are NOT rich by any means but Joe is very good with money and we always make it a point to put something away in savings. We enjoy life but live within our means. It is a delicate dance, I am no good at it....I can spend like there is no tomorrow. But nonetheless, we put food on the table every day and have a bed to sleep in with a roof over our heads. We don't struggle for much, sure I can't own every Coach bag I want or have a Mercedes but really none of those things matter when you are faced with a financial struggle. We hope to never be faced with such a thing but ya never know. We are very grateful for what we are able to provide for Adrianna.

13. Patience- With a 16 month old plus all the household stuff and running around like a headless chicken patience is something I am grateful I have. Those times where you go to the grocery store, realize the baby pooped and forgot to pack wipes, buy wipes and change an almost blowout, shop and pay then forget you dont have cash for the person helping you with your bags (commissary, one of the things I find most annoying about it), run back to the store and buy a pack of gum just to get cash back, starts pouring rain as you make a mad dash to the car then when you get home you realize she took her shoe off and must have dropped it in the store so you have to run back to get it....true story, happened to me yesterday. Patience was running thin but I made it through....might have shed a few tears here and there however.

12. Health Insurance- I have a love/hate relationship with Tricare....but I am very grateful to have health care coverage for me and for Adrianna.

11. Coffee- It gets me through the mornings, I am not a morning person

10. Pictures- I have an awesome camera and I get to capture the moments I will treasure forever with it. It is almost therapeutic for me to capture those moments full of emotion all while remaining unnoticed.

9. Deep Belly Baby Laughs- When you are the cause of that laughter, there is nothing better in the world than that feeling.

8. Quiet Moments with Joe- Far and few between lately, I am grateful that he gets to come home and eat dinner with us and then after the baby is in bed we get to sit and watch our shows and just hang out....unwind.

7. Joe's Support- He has always supported me in every decision I have made. He gives me great advice and pushes me to succeed. I didn't think I would be able to be a SAHM...I didn't think I would be good at all the domestic stuff, cooking or cleaning or organizing all while taking care of a baby. He never doubted me. I'd say I'm pretty good at what I do.

6. A Good Book- I can get lost in a good book. I get sucked into the story, it is a good stress reliever for sure.

5. The Little Gym- Adrianna was about 6 months old when I first started taking her to Little Gym classes. She was a little behind on her milestones....after just 2 classes Adrianna just blossomed and took off! She learned so much in a few short weeks, I really think Adrianna has  not fallen behind on any milestones because of Little Gym. She was pulling up on furniture shortly after starting the classes, balancing on her own two feet at around 10 months and walking on her own at 13 months. Pretty good considering her doctor told me she would likely be behind on most milestones.

4. Google- Although it scared me half the time, google really did help me sort through some questions I had about Adrianna. Just little things I was curious about, it just helped to see that I wasn't alone in some of the issues I was going through with Adrianna and her eating/growth.

3. Blogging- This blog is my life scrapbook. I hope to look back on this years later and "remember when"....Maybe my children will read this someday. Maybe I'll print this out for Adrianna someday and give it to her....I think she will love to read about what I went through and learned while raising her.

2. Mom Friends- Probably the only ones that truly understand what I go through are my other SAHM friends. I don't have many yet, but I appreciate the ones I have. They understand the need for socializing, the feeling you get when you can't get your baby to stop crying, the way our husbands sometimes don't understand just how hard it is, and the satisfaction of it allllll!

1. Most of all, I am thankful that I am Adrianna's mommy. She is everything I want to be. It sounds strange but I see things in her personality that I kind of wish I had. She is so outgoing, not shy, not afraid to voice her opinion and just looks at everything with such wonder and curiosity. She smiles at everything and everyone, she just loves life! I'm sure all babies act this way, but I want to believe that these are personality traits she has. She has a little bit of my attitude and a little bit of Joe's joyfulness. I am just so lucky. I remember spending hours daydreaming about what she would look like, she surpassed my expectations. I never thought she would be so perfect....but she is.

On this Thanksgiving, as I go crazy in the kitchen making and baking I will stop and think about my list. I will look around at Joe's family (I am hosting my first Thanksgiving!) and just be thankful for the moments we all get to spend together. I will miss my parents and my brothers this Thanksgiving, but I will be grateful that they are there....maybe I should have added Skype to the list of things I am thankful for because without Skype they wouldn't have the opportunity to see us when they just can't make it to our home. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

16 months..

16 months ago, I was in a hospital holding the most precious gift god had given me. Strapped up to all sorts of wires and monitors was my very perfect, very little Adrianna Teresa. It has been a whirlwind since and time has just flown by. Adrianna is a very intelligent little toddler. Her most recent amazing skill is knowing when my cellphone is "locked" and handing it to me to unlock. She will throw a fit until I slide the little button to the unlock position. I have an iphone, she learned how to unlock my phone all by herself this morning and made a few phone calls while at it. She never ceases to amaze me :) She is still around the 3rd percentile for her weight, she is 19 lbs 4 oz. She doesn't eat very much and lately wont eat even her favorite foods. It has been a little hard on me to say the least. Every time we come home from the doctors office I feel defeated, like a failure, and the most unfit mother to my little girl. I know I am none of those things but I cannot help but feel that way when everything I try with Adrianna to make her gain weight does not work. We go for another weight check on November 18th so I am hoping she has made some progress otherwise the recommendation is to get her evaluated by a GI doctor for Celiacs, reflux and anything else they might test for. I am hoping there aren't going to be any major dietary changes for her.

I feel like all of my blog posts are about Adrianna. I named my blog "Diapers and a Dream" maybe I should start talking more about what my "dreams" are. I have recently started a battle within myself as to whether or not I am ready to go back to work. Some days I feel so ready and others I can't imagine leaving Adrianna in a day care. I know working would be nice....the extra money could come in handy and socialization for me is also a plus. A few weeks ago I filled out a few applications for some administrative assistant positions and within 24 hours I got calls for interviews. I was shock, overwhelmed and a bit teary eyed. I figured it would be a few weeks before I got any calls which would give me time to prepare and to get used to the working idea. Needless to say, I couldn't bring myself to go through with the interviews. I was so caught up in guilt. I know Adriana would do fine in day care, I don't have a fear of leaving her there. What I was worried about was not being there for her on a daily basis. It hurts my heart to know that I might be missing out on the rest of her milestones. Also if we had a second child, I wouldn't leave my job which would mean I wouldn't be able to enjoy the first year like I enjoyed Adrianna's. I am debating the working situation and hopefully will come up with a reasonable solution. Truth is, I really feel like I am great at home and with Adrianna but I also feel like I should be working at least part time and helping add more income to our savings. Another thing I have been toying with for a while is going back to school. Before I had  Adrianna I wanted to go back to school for a master's in counseling psychology. I had known I wanted to counsel ever since I was in middle school. I can't explain how I got the notion that I would be good at this but I did. Of course, when Adrianna was born I suddenly lost interest in everything else except for being the best mom I could be to my little girl. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this feeling, but being a stay at home mom I almost felt like I lost a sense of who I was. My identity was now the provider of food and diaper changes....it was a little depressing at times. I loved being a mom, don't get me wrong, but it was a very difficult thing adjusting to my new role as a stay at home mom rather than having a routine of going to work everyday out of the home and bringing home a paycheck. I embraced my new role and made the best of it. I can safely say I have grown into a more well rounded person, babies will certainly humble you. I taught myself to be a better cook, learned to have schedules for everything, and best of all I actually had time to decorate my house and make it a home. It has been a blessing to be home with my baby girl for sure. I can't help but wonder if I am just way too adjusted now and am looking to take the next step....whether that step will be go back to work or have another baby I don't know....


Here is my Adrianna at 16 months old<3