Thursday, January 10, 2013


I have always thought that as soon as my child was old enough, she would go to preschool no questions asked. Until I got too close to that point. I am not even sure where my apprehension stems from. could it possibly have to do with the fact that this would mean she really REALLY wouldn't be my little baby anymore? Could it be the recent tragic events of Sandy Hook elementary and other similarly scary situations happening in schools throughout the US(of course the world as well, but we don't plan on leaving the country anytime soon). Whatever it is, it is there. I am terrified.

A few months ago, when I took Adrianna to her two year checkup, her pediatrician was going through the typical questions...does she climb up stairs one foot at a time and can she do a couple without holding onto anything? Does she speak in two or three word sentences? Does she recognize some colors? Does she know more than 40 words? The pediatrician didn't need me to answer many of these because Adrianna was demonstrating her abilities the whole time. I already knew she was a bright child, and that her vocabulary was extensive for her age. After her initial checkup, the doctor told me that she is more than ready for preschool and gave me her immunization chart in case I wanted to enroll her sometime within the next few months. OH.MY.GOD. Preschool???!!!! I had thought about it and had discussed it with Joe but for someone else to point out the reality that my baby girl was almost ready for preschool freaked me out! Ever since then I have been thinking about what it would be like and I almost end up weeping in a corner with her cuddled in my arms....and by almost I mean this has actually happened more than once. I can't imagine not being there to oversee her growth and to protect her from kids that can be mean. I can't imagine not being the one to teach her. I know homeschooling isn't right for my family, but I have considered it. So here I am, facing the potential of preschool. By September, my baby will be in preschool. I can enroll her earlier but I want to wait until she is 3. I need to buy myself more time to prepare myself. If I were to take her tomorrow, she would have no problem going into the class and could care less if I left her there by herself. She is soooo independent that it kills me. Just cry for mama for once!!! Is that too much to ask :( She knows her ABCs, counts to 20, can pretend to read a book based on interpretation of the pictures in the book, she can do puzzles and recognizes all shapes even trapezoids and diamonds, she pretend plays, and she is so ready to begin. I don't know where the time goes but it is going way too fast.

It makes me so anxious that I have to put her safety in someone else's hands. I have to drop her off in the mornings and trust that she will be there when I pick her up, safe and sound. Sure, parents have been doing this for years and I am sure with similar worries but things like kidnappings and school shootings are very real and make this transition all too worrisome for me. I know I will let go and just send her off to school one day. I have to let her grow into a person away from her mommy and daddy. I can't hold on forever. I just can't help but think that this will just be one of many times I will have to let her go, it is going to snowball from preschool to high school to college to having to watch her walk down the isle one day and give herself to her future husband. I'm telling you, I'm not crazy people. I know how this works. It starts with preschool then BAM! She moves out on her own. And I can't stop it. All I can do is savor each and every single second of the time I have with her, just us. No siblings (yet!) no sharing with anyone else. Just her and me, and Toy Story...which I will watch as many times as she wants me to without complaining, if it means getting to hold her close for one more day. Just her and me.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Pregnant with a 2 1/2 year old

Adrianna is officially, in 2 days, 2 1/2 years old. In 6 months she will be three and we will be a family of 5! It is so funny to think that in just 6 short months our little family will undergo so many changes. I love it =)

Adrianna updates:
She is one spunky toddler! She loves so many things; movies, coloring/drawing, her blanket and her stuffed kitty, and her mommy and daddy. We love her so much as well! She has been talking so much lately. her speech is actually amazing. She uses full sentences even better now, she pretend plays which is adorable, and she wont stop saying 'mama' long! She will go into her play room and make "food" for her kitty and for her baby. I overhear her saying "open up, eat it all! It good?" She copies us so much! The other night I was putting her to bed and I told her to tuck me in instead because mama was tired. She tucked me in and then said "look at me! no get out of bed, close your eyes, go night night. Look at my eyes, do you understand?" It was hilarious! I tell her that often before kissing her goodnight because she has the tendency to get out of bed and play in her room or walk to our bedroom. There are so many other things she does, she is growing up faster than ever.

We talk to her about being a big sister all the time. I ask her how many babies mommy has in her belly and she says two very proudly! She points to my belly, gives it a kiss, points to my boobs and says mommy has babies in there then points to daddy's belly and says he has babies too. Pretty funny, right? Not when she points to my boobs in public and says my babies are in there! I think she mistakes the word boobie for baby (when she asks what my boobs are I tell her they are mommy's boobies, trying to use as close to accurate anatomy names as possible). She hugs my belly all the time and becomes more and more independent every day. Now if only she would potty train! We are working on that. As far as her stats go, we haven't been to the dr since her 2 year checkup, but I know she has grown in height and weight since then. She fits into 2t sized shirts, 18 month and sometimes 24 month pants, and wears size 7 shoes. My little stinker is finally gaining weight to make it to 24 month pants! I don't know how since she still doesn't eat as much as I would like. She loves breakfast, instant oatmeal made with milk is a favorite of hers as well as bagels (which she insists cannot be cut at all). She snacks the rest of the time, sometimes I can convince her to eat lunch but I almost always lose that battle. Apple sauce pouches and buddy fruit pouches are my saving grace to get any sort of nutrition in her as far as fruit goes. I have lost the veggie battle for now. She loves milk!! we had to cut her milk intake to when she wakes up, at nap time and before bed. She could easily drink 6 cups a day if we let her! She sneaks in the kitchen and grabs cookies, goldfish, gummies and occasionally chocolate off of my candy dish on the dining room table. She has a serious sweet tooth...explains why she is the sweetest 2 year old I know =) We can't get enough of her. She does sleep in a toddler bed, we transitioned her when she turned 2. When we move to our next duty station we will get her a bigger bed along with her own bedroom furniture which happens to be MY old bedroom furniture growing up. It is so precious to know my daughter will use MY dressers from when I was growing up. They are a beautiful light colored wood with painted pink roses as accents. We will still get her a new bed, preferably a full sized bed. This will hopefully help us with the dent the twins will make in our budget. Do you know how much you have to get two of when getting ready for twins? Neither do I, so when I find out I'll let you know.

My Twin Pregnancy:

How far along? 15 week exactly. I feel more like 24 weeks and look like I am pushing into my thrid trimester. It's all for the babies!
Maternity clothes? Tops and jeans. My boobs still fit into my bra thankfully. I had to buy a maternity coat which I did not have to do with Adrianna
Weight Gain? Yeah. I’m supposed to gain anywhere from 40-56lbs. Most of it during the first two trimesters. I am currently at a whopping 16 lb gain...Holy crap. I weigh what I weighed when I was induced with Adrianna. Scary
Stretch Marks? Adrianna left a few and being that this is actually my 5th pregnancy (3 miscarriages) I have plenty of these nasty tiger stripes
Sleep? I can nap like nobody's business but when it comes to overnight sleep, that has been interrupted by 2-3 bathroom trips and weird vivid dreams. My belly is also getting to the point where it is hard to find a comfortable position. reflux also keeps me up. 
Movement? Oh I feel them. They are pretty active in there. I still feel baby B more than baby A
Genders? We find out on February 1st!
What I miss? My motivation. 
Food cravings? I mainly just want to eat but nothing sounds good ever to me. 
Food aversions? The biggest has to be chicken nuggets, tenders and wings. Second to that is anything with ground beef. The smell is just awful
Labor signs? No. Hoping it stays that way for a long time.
Belly button in or out? In. Never popped with Adrianna. It just became a large cave. So this time…
What I’m looking forward to? Our ultrasound on feb 1st, hitting the 24 week milestone when if by chance I go into labor the viability rate is now decent for the babies. I hope to god I don't have to endure this. I still pray every day
Milestones? Hitting the second trimester. Hearing the heartbeats by doppler at my 13 week OB appointment 
Things I wish people knew: Twins run in my husband's side of the family, but that doesn't matter when it comes to conceiving twins spontaneously. It follows the woman's genealogy. Twins do not run in my family at all....not even in distant family that we know of. This was a complete and utter surprise...a very welcomed surprise. Also, I will always feel a little apprehensive when I talk about the babies. In the back of my mind I am always thinking that something might happen if I talk about them too much or show too much excitement over being pregnant with twins.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

I am not complaining, but if I did...

I need to release all of this. I told myself I would not complain this pregnancy because I have wanted it for such a long time. I appreciate every single moment so far and I am loving it! Yet, I have the annoying little symptoms and daily issues that just plain annoy me! Maybe some of you can relate, if you are or have been pregnant. Maybe you think I am being unappreciative and should just shut up and be glad I am pregnant. Maybe I don't care what anyone thinks because here goes:

-Eating. I love to eat. I hate to make myself something to eat or find something to eat nearly every hour. If I spend an hour or more without munching on something my blood sugar does a nose dive and I feel like crap. If this has ever happened to you, you know just how crappy it makes you feel.

-Drinking water. From week 8 to now and I am sure for the rest of the pregnancy I have been extremely thirsty. I drink water constantly. I pee constantly. I am so tired of feeling like my uterus is going to fall right out of me when I walk when I haven't used the bathroom for half an hour. I pee 2 times a night and can't fall back to sleep after both times. WTF? Once at 11pm and once at around 3am....same time every single night since week 10. I am 14 weeks now and I am thinking I will get no relief because I am pregnant with twins and my uterus is the size of a watermelon. Or so it feels.

-Sleep. Why is it that pregnancy makes me feel like I took a sleeping pill and only slept for an hour. It sucks to go about my day groggy and longing for a nap. Do you know how hard it is to talk myself into leaving the house or even showering. It is annoying. Yea yea I am growing 2 babies, but oh my god I just want a little bit of energy at some point during the day. I don't remember feeling this bad with Adrianna...I also didn't have a toddler to chase after at the time.

-Dry skin. Oh do I hate dry skin. During pregnancy, my skin gets super dry and itchy. It happened with Adrianna and is happening again now. Nothing I use helps soothe it. Someone please recommend something because I am out of ideas!

-Pregnancy glow. I don't have it. I can't fake it.

-Hair. My hair is greasy and so is my face. I can't seem to keep up with the demand to wash it enough to keep it looking shiny and pretty. Speaking of hair, a wonderful side effect of pregnancy is reduction of loss of hair. Hormones also make "other" hair grow faster. My legs, my eyebrows, even a surprise chin hair or two. WHY?? It is horrible! All I am saying is thank goodness it is winter, feel free to throw up because I haven't shaved my legs in like 5 weeks. and I don't care...I'm on pelvic rest anyway so no extra curricular activities....if you know what I mean. Joy.

My head always hurts, my back always hurts, I am always out of breath. My clothes are too tight and I feel like a whale.

Just some annoying things from today.
1. Why would you make an OB office feel like hell. Heat wise. I mean it was 1000 degrees in there today. There are pregnant women in there for goodness sake!
2. There should be water dispensers at all OB offices. No exceptions. Period.
3. If I don't look at the scale, don't tell me how much I weigh. Ugh...
4. Patients shouldn't complain about waiting too long to be seen when they aren't pregnant yet decide to choose an OBGYN instead of a regular GYN. (this woman was not of child bearing age anymore). Wait your freaking turn. I have shit to talk about with the Dr. And I have been here waiting longer than you. Don't roll your eyes at my 2 year old either because if Joe wasn't there to calm me down I would have had a few choice words for her....dehydrated and sweating and tired is not a recipe for a happy me.
5. If you are stopped at a light and there is a space for those who would like to bear right to be able to do so, give room. You have a car length in front of you and can clearly see my blinker. Don't be an asshole.

I couldn't be more thrilled that I am pregnant. So many things out weigh the bad and the annoying. Sometimes you have to stop pretending that everything is wonderful and you feel amazing while pregnant. Talk about the over active sweat glands, the greasy hair, the constipation (oh it happens. You know it does admit it!). Maybe some women love being pregnant. Maybe some women work extra hard to look immaculate while pregnant so people can say 'wow, pregnancy really agrees with you, you look better than ever!' That's not me. Don't tell me that from behind you can't even tell that I am pregnant or that I am all belly. You are full of shit. Don't ask me how I will have room to carry these babies because I don't know the freakin' answer. Don't feel bad if you have said any of this to me already...I promise I still love you :) Today was just a day to get all of this off of my chest.
Complaining doesn't mean you lose sight of the important job you are doing, growing a little miracle. It just means sometimes...just sometimes you can get it all off your chest.

Best part of my day? I got to hear both of my babies heart beats. Healthy heart beats. I am so glad that all is going well. Today, shit just got real. This is really happening. Twins.