Still Here....Preterm Labor Day 20

Still pregnant. And I suppose I should be happy about that. I am, but my being stuck in this hospital is altering my thoughts on this. I don't know what it is about being stuck in the hospital that makes you think delusional things, like it would totally ok for your baby(ies) to be born at 31 weeks because technology and modern medicine can keep them healthy. I might sound like a horrible mom when I, at this very moment, pray that my water breaks and we can just get the ball rolling with this labor and delivery thing...at 33 weeks gestation that I am right now. The truth is, I need for my babies to be as healthy as possible which means not delivering until closer to 37 weeks. The ugly truth is that I pray my water breaks every time I go to the bathroom so we can get the ball rolling on this delivery and I can meet my babies and get on with my normal life. Don't call me selfish and don't judge. If you have never been stuck in a hospital in "preterm labor" not able to leave you will never know the agony....if you have gone past your due date you might have an idea of what I am feeling...minus the fact that my babies will be premature and require a NICU stay. Honestly, this blows. I am trying to keep positive but I am slowly losing my mind. I am trying not to give up but I am reaching my breaking point. I woke up this morning though and was surprised to see my belly, not because I forgot I was pregnant but because it was significantly bigger than it was on Monday.

Monday. The smile is fake you guys. I cried in the shower that morning

This morning. See, I'm not kidding you guys! It's not pretty. 

How much more can my poor belly stretch! Actually, I am kind of curious.

Not much has changed since my last update. I am sitting at 33 weeks 5 days (or 6 or 4 depending on who you speak to here) and am still 5-6 cm dilated with absolutely no change whatsoever. Nothing. Not even braxton hicks. My ultrasound this week showed improvement in baby A's fluid levels which is actually fantastic news. I have been worried about her. With her placenta failing and her fluid levels low I was worried something might happen to her. Both babies look fantastic in their non-stress tests, NST, (a test where they strap you up to a monitor, listen and track the fetal heart rates for accels and leveling out during active periods of movement and look for decels or for contractions and reaction to contractions). They have me doing an NST every day to make sure they remain as healthy as possible and they always look fantastic on the monitor. It is reassuring to say the least. My next ultrasound is a growth scan, which they do every two weeks, where they will measure the approximate weights of the babies. I am anxious because if baby A has not grown much, which is likely, they might not let me be pregnant much longer. I am not even sure what to feel. Ready to be done, scared for my tiny little baby, nervous. I don't know. This all goes down this coming Monday so either things will remain the same or I might be blogging some crazy birth story soon. Stay tuned...