Life is good

Every so often I am reminded about how precious the little things are in life. Like the dandelions sprouting in the grass as the first signs of spring are approaching, the innocence of a child that tells you the moon is out and tries to jump and touch it ( that was Adrianna). I really think she takes me back to a time where life was just simple. Makes me cherish little moments, cherish every little part of the world around me. Yesterday she had a bug on her and instead I screaming or trying to kill it she says "hi bug." Why that little phrase made me cry I can't say, I blame mommy hormones. She has grown into quite the easy going adorable little 21 (almost 22) month old. She does test my patience daily, but that is her job. And it is my job to learn how to control my emotions and think about the world in her shoes. What it must be like to be her in a world where everyone is always telling you what to do, especially what not to do or touch or play with. Even when those are the things you really want to touch and do and play with. It must be hard to battle having your own mind and opinion with your mommy's opinion on what is right and wrong. Yep, that must explain the tantrums, the screaming, the "NO's!" that is the thought that crosses my mind when I feel my blood boiling and Can sense the puff of smoke rising from my head when she deliberately does what I told her not to do. When I tell her not to squeeze the juice box and she does it anyway with a smile in her face and a look of satisfaction on her face. When I tell her it is nap time ad after an hour of not hearing any noise I think she is sleeping but she is really playing in a pool of her own urine after removing her diaper...with a look of satisfaction on her face. What it must be like to be her. No matter how much I tell her no, or how many time outs I give her (only two in her lifetime so far) she still reaches her little arm out and says "Awwww!" to give me a sideways, pat on the back hug. Even if it is in the middle of me telling her she cannot use the iPhone. She tries to play me with her cuteness. She is one smart little bug, because it works most times. Unconditional love. That is the love a child gives and deserves in return...throughout their entire life.

My brother in law and sister in law just had a baby, Luca Anthony. I drove to destin with Adrianna to meet him and it was worth every mile. He is adorable! I held him, talked to him, smelled him. The nurse came to check him out today while I was in the room and she unwrapped his little swaddle and he started to cry. He cried the whole time practically. I cried with him...I really teared up! I am not even sure why...totally caught me by surprise. His little cry just affected me so much. I couldn't help but think of my precious baby girl just days after her birth. How her little cry, although agonizing in the middle of the night, was like music to my ears. I couldn't get enough of her little cry. I knew she was calling me with it. I long for that again. More than I even think I do, today was proof. But I know I dont need it from her. She is growing up and that is how it should be. It made me think of all the little things though, and Adrianna gives me such a beautiful, new and curious view of the world that I wouldn't trade her to being a newborn again for anything. I miss her as a baby but I love to watch her grow. I grow with her. It is all about the journey. Babies grow, especially when we blink. I just long for a new journey with another little miracle. One that I can share with Adrianna. One that I can experience with my husband. To make him a daddy again would be the best feeling in the world. But in spite of my longing, no matter how discouraged or sad I get, life is good. It will always be good as long as my husband has me and I have him and we have her--our precious baby girl.